It continues to be a wild ride for me! My biggest change is that I now have an entirely different approach to life. I am working with my personal guide (not from this realm) on a moment-to-moment basis. I learned that it doesn’t matter what I do with the remaining third of my life, but that I am connected with and listening to this guidance in such a way that I am being directed. My “job” here is broader than being a violin teacher, or college professor, or director of a school, or any of the other many jobs I have taken on. My job is to show up for what I am guided to do, simply as a bridge for perception shifts. I am not to determine where and how these shifts happen. I have a different job than all the jobs I have collected: that of showing up and listening, listening and showing up. That is it.
In our webinar this week, we learned about some great things. First, the Hedgehog; the character who does the ONE THING. I was confused about my one thing for a while and then understood that my one thing, for the rest of my life!, is this profound listening. Then we learned about the Gristmill and the added rocks that broke down the wheat into flour. “What are your rocks?” Mark and Davene asked. I was not sure about that either until I went to an appointment with my brilliant Osteopath. We were discussing my injured finger which is preventing me from going forward as usual with my work. She encouraged me to look at what the gift was with the finger. I realized that it is stopping me from intensely moving in the world without a deep listening ear. An amazing gift, actually. I probably would not have been able to stop the swirling multi-tasking I had adopted early in life otherwise. I can barely stop it now, knowing what I know. My finger is the rock that is making the flour.
Also discussed in the webinar (it was a densely packed webinar!) was looking at “negative” emotion for learning and motivation. Through a meditation guided by a friend yesterday, I/we took a “journey” through the chakras of my body. “What was happening with my third chakra ?” we both wondered when we got there. It seemed different from the others- not as clear. As she asked me questions I reported that I had felt fear- lack of safety- as a child. Who knows why- I did not have a particularly unsafe childhood. I knew about this fear already, intimately in fact. But here was what I realized in that moment with my friend. I felt in this inner, unsafe world of mine that I had to protect myself. I constructed elaborate control which involved getting great at reading people around me and knowing intuitively what to say and do to connect with them. It’s probably the most amazing gift of my life- what truly makes me me!! And, I think it is the strength that makes it possible to connect with my guidance. How perfect is that?
So, just one teensy weensy job left to go. Give up the control that I have constructed so carefully in my life. TRUST is now invited in as my most valued guest. Maybe I can get to the point where it can stay on permanently. For now I give myself permission to trust where I am being led. In gratitude for this journey.