Week Twenty: Hidden Gifts

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It continues to be a wild ride for me! My biggest change is that I now have an entirely different approach to life. I am working with my personal guide (not from this realm) on a moment-to-moment basis. I learned that it doesn’t matter what I do with the remaining third of my life, but that I am connected with and listening to this guidance in such a way that I am being directed. My “job” here is broader than being a violin teacher, or college professor, or director of a school, or any of the other many jobs I have taken on. My job is to show up for what I am guided to do, simply as a bridge for perception shifts. I am not to determine where and how these shifts happen. I have a different job than all the jobs I have collected: that of showing up and listening, listening and showing up. That is it.

In our webinar this week, we learned about some great things. First, the Hedgehog; the character who does the ONE THING. I was confused about my one thing for a while and then understood that my one thing, for the rest of my life!, is this profound listening. Then we learned about the Gristmill and the added rocks that broke down the wheat into flour. “What are your rocks?” Mark and Davene asked. I was not sure about that either until I went to an appointment with my brilliant Osteopath. We were discussing my injured finger which is preventing me from going forward as usual with my work. She encouraged me to look at what the gift was with the finger. I realized that it is stopping me from intensely moving in the world without a deep listening ear. An amazing gift, actually. I probably would not have been able to stop the swirling multi-tasking I had adopted early in life otherwise. I can barely stop it now, knowing what I know. My finger is the rock that is making the flour.

Also discussed in the webinar (it was a densely packed webinar!) was looking at “negative” emotion for learning and motivation. Through a meditation guided by a friend yesterday, I/we took a “journey” through the chakras of my body. “What was happening with my third chakra ?” we both wondered when we got there. It seemed different from the others- not as clear. As she asked me questions I reported that I had felt fear- lack of safety- as a child. Who knows why- I did not have a particularly unsafe childhood. I knew about this fear already, intimately in fact. But here was what I realized in that moment with my friend. I felt in this inner, unsafe world of mine that I had to protect myself. I constructed elaborate control which involved getting great at reading people around me and knowing intuitively what to say and do to connect with them. It’s probably the most amazing gift of my life- what truly makes me me!! And, I think it is the strength that makes it possible to connect with my guidance. How perfect is that?

So, just one teensy weensy job left to go. Give up the control that I have constructed so carefully in my life. TRUST is now invited in as my most valued guest. Maybe I can get to the point where it can stay on permanently. For now I give myself permission to trust where I am being led. In gratitude for this journey.












Week Nineteen: Devotions and Affirmations

Following last week’s “ramping up” I felt that I needed more day to day support that felt really personal to me. I spent much of the week collecting the affirmations I had written that felt important- tweaking some and writing some new ones. In my spiritual work with A Course in Miracles, I realized that there were some messages that I wanted to read again and again. I also felt that I wanted to consciously include my personal guide I am working with on a day-to-day (if not minute-to-minute) basis.

What emerged was what is below. I recorded it with my own voice and I listen to it right when I wake up as well as at bedtime and other times of the day. I love it so much that I am sure I am on to something, and decided that was what was important to share this week.

Disclaimer: I know the language of A Course in Miracles sounds patriarchal, but I have gotten past that because the messages are so worth it. I had let go of the words “God,” “Father,” and “He” many years ago, but am inviting them back in these days. I realize that this blog will not be for everyone, but I am hoping to be an inspiration for those who would like to make their spiritual practice more personal and unique. Enjoy.

I AM waking with excitement, curiosity, and wonder to discover new things I will create with my personal guide in these 24 hours, and am open to receiving all!!

From A Course in Miracles Lesson #267: “My heart is beating in the peace of God.” “Surrounding me is all the life that God created in His Love. It calls to me in every heartbeat and in every breath; in every action and in every thought. Peace fills my heart, and floods my body with the purpose of forgiveness. Now my mind is healed, and all I need to save the world is given me. Each heartbeat brings me peace; each breath infuses me with strength. I am a messenger of God, directed by His Voice, sustained by Him in love, and held forever quiet and at peace within His loving Arms. Each heartbeat calls His Name, and every one is answered by His Voice, assuring me I am home in Him.‘Let me attend Your Answer, not my own. Father, my heart is beating in the peace the Heart of Love created. It is there and only there that I can be at home.’”

My Vision: I am thrilled to take the bold, unusual, and loving step of having a single vision for this period of time from now until March 31st, 2017.  I set the conditions for JOY to permeate every single moment. Each and every day I connect with Universal Mind, forgiving the past and trusting my guidance in the space of the present moment. Through BE-ing and ALLOW-ing, seeds are planted in the fertile soil of Universal Substance. How amazing it is to give myself the gift of watching what grows from this place of Oneness.

From A Course in Miracles Lessons #257 and 258, adapted: Let me remember what my purpose is! If I forget my goal I can be but confused, unsure of what I am, and thus conflicted in my actions. No one can serve contradicting goals and serve them well. All that is needed… is to be determined to remember… to train my mind to overlook all little senseless aims and to remember that MY GOAL IS GOD. His memory is hidden in my mind, obscured by my pointless little goals which offer nothing (and simply do not exist). God’s Grace shines. I clear out the toys and trinkets of the world to see this Light. I forgive myself for not seeing and knowing this in the past. God, and therefore Peace, is the only goal I have today.

My life exemplifies my courage, focus, and decisiveness- allowing me to imagine and create.

I AM honored to work with my personal guide throughout my day, completely knowing each next step to take, in truth and power.

I give myself permission to seek and speak truth in all circumstances.

I practice being the peace I seek.

I love the peace that comes to me at any moment I ask for it.

My joy gives me an appreciation and gratitude from which to create.

I give myself permission to be ENOUGH.

Week Eighteen: Ramping It Up

All week I have known the title of this blog. “Ramping it up” is exactly what it feels like in my life. So much has been coming at me, though, that I have not felt a cohesive way of writing about it. I usually have a basic idea before I sit down to write. Not this time. But, as the week slips away I agree to keep my promise to write and I sit down with my blog to try and reign things in enough, to make sense enough, to write enough.

One realization is that I am receiving what I am asking for, but I also notice myself giving in return. In return for making a commitment to my spiritual growth as my first priority until March 31st, I am finding a more peaceful and focused mind. I also found a more personal relationship with a spiritual guide that is blowing my mind. BUT, when I get off track into the old ways of duty and heavy responsibility, stuff happens. Hitting a deer, back thrown out etc. Time, attention, and quiet are what I need to keep giving. Stay with it, Carrie.

My imagination is getting more honed. At my suggestion my husband and I have decided to tear off the back of our house and then build on, changing our entire space to be open and light, and much more functional for us. We are having so much fun thinking and planning together- another of my desires, to share more with him. Here is something concrete to put in my DMP which does not make me feel the burden of duty. Perfect.

I can feel that as I blitz myself with readings and promises and gratitudes and kindnesses that there is little room left for doubt and fear. And yet, the area that is left still feels that it needs some attention. Here is where the Law of Forgiveness comes in. A Course in Miracles teaches that forgiveness is simply about forgiving others and yourself for not remembering that none of this is real. As I clear the deck of a lot that I don’t need anymore, it becomes more obvious when something is clinging on that doesn’t belong. In this case I am feeling like betrayal and hurt from past (both from and to myself and others) has taken up a dark residence in a tiny corner, like a neglected closet with stuff that you are avoiding, don’t even remember, but you know it is going to be bad. This is where my guidance can be counted on. If I forgive and ask for this to be released, I absolutely know it will be. Clearing the decks.

More and more now I feel like I can tune to a certain frequency that taps into Universal Substance and know that what is planted there will grow. I look forward to approaching this ability as play. There are so many ways that I can see myself making an impact- and here is the best part: creating through appreciation and play, not through duty and grimness.

It hit me today that all is being transformed in my life. As I look at this previous paragraph I can certainly see why. What else would I need? Ramp it up, baby!!


Week 17-A: Tricking Myself Into Answering The Call

It has been an extremely interesting week where I feel that I am making some strides. At the same time that our MKMMA course has been asking that we answer the call to our Hero’s Journey, I have, as usual, been studying A Course in Miracles. For several weeks I have taken notice while reading about false humility and false arrogance or pride. They are used interchangeably and have made a big impression on me.

From the Workbook Lesson #186,

“All false humility we lay aside today, that we may listen to God’s Voice reveal to us what He would have us do. We do not doubt our adequacy for the function He will offer us. We will be certain only that He knows our strengths, our wisdom and our holiness. And if He deems us worthy, SO WE ARE. It is but arrogance that judges otherwise.”

What do I not want to know? That I am ruled by false humility/false arrogance. I now give myself PERMISSION to sweep them out of the way.

So, to continue my fascination of tricking myself to live “as if,” I tried the sweep. What if I lived in the world without that baggage? Sure enough, big stuff. The moment I set the humility/arrogance aside I was right within Universal Substance. I received a picture of it: a huge, open field, ripe for planting seeds. It brought to mind my favorite Rumi quote:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoinging, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make sense.”

As I connect with this Universal Substance without the block of the false stuff, I access my “unbounded self-confidence” from MK lesson 17. 11, I see the illusions of this world, I become comfortable in the present- because that is all there is, and I let the Universe negotiate the minutia of life.

The work is paying off.


Week Seventeen: Of Stories, Burdens, Permissions, and Red Squirrels

On Tuesday this week I got two early morning messages. From my Gratefulness Word of the Day: “No story can contain you.” From the book I just finished (Diana, Herself by Martha Beck): “If a story liberates your soul, believe it. But if a story imprisons you, believe its mirror image.” These messages gave me an awareness to really look at my internal stories. It was like a veil lifted and I saw more and more around me for what it really is.

This morning I heard that I am in a harmonic convergence. “Carrie’s harmonic convergence” is what I actually heard. There is so much that I can let go of right now so I have room in my channel for great amounts of receiving. Yesterday I gave myself PERMISSION (love that word!) to let go of some hefty baggage that I have had since I was a little girl. I saw it slide off of me like the sheets of hard snow that sometimes fall from our metal roof. Boom. All of a sudden I felt my solid self-confidence coming through. I always knew it was there, but now I felt like it was no longer buried by a huge pile of boulders and rocks (and maybe—cement???). I had been working for a long time picking one rock off at a time, and now the rest fell off all at once. Boom. Self-Confidence. Just what I have been asking for every day with my Blueprint Builder, without even knowing it needed to be found.

Back to this morning, I felt that as the self-confidence was uncovered, so was my DMP, so was peace, and so was JOY. My new affirmation: “In Kindness and by Grace, I give permission for my self-confidence to bloom and grow!”

This will seem like a sharp change-of-subject, but for months we have been trying to discourage two red squirrels from making the spaces of our ceiling/floors into their expansive condo. I have never in my life seen persistence like this. We and our wildlife guy had to outmatch these critters move for move. Suddenly the house is quiet for the first time in so long and I have found out that I am persistent! I never knew I had this trait. Now I truly see that it can be developed.

I am having a lot of fun imagining what the next phase of life could look like living within the body of someone who has a healthy self-confidence AND persistence! Everybody watch out! A brand-new story is unfolding.

Week Sixteen: Trade ya this one for that one

This is the week where it is really dawning on me that I am working with some big stuff in my life. I am in my second Saturn Return, which I don’t know a lot about- mostly that it is a significant moment in my life. I have been reading up on it a bit and it sounds to me like it’s a lot about trading in one blueprint for another. It’s about change, embracing the unknown, and courage.

Sound familiar? I think that it is amazing that I am taking this course (where these very things are asked of all of us) at the same time that I am in this moment in time astrologically. Amazing.

Crux point, tipping point, moment in time…. I am really feeling it.

In the webinar, Mark and Davene mentioned a couple of things that especially resonated with me. I am taking them on as tools to use going forward.

  • “When your heart speaks, take good notes.”
  • Master Key 15.3: “Difficulties, inharmonies, and obstacles indicate that we are either refusing to give up what we no longer need, or refusing to accept what we require.”

It seems to me that the path of the 2nd Saturn Return and this course is about both of those messages. I think it takes a lot of courage to look honestly at them. Fear can so easily rule.

As I take a look through the magnifying glass at these messages, I come to a couple of important conclusions that expand on what I have been realizing the past few weeks.

  • First, it is imperative that I let go of the duty that I have written about. Today in my sit I saw it as a wall or wave- like a tsunami coming forward to me. With the law of substitution I see that to navigate this hair-trigger tendency of mine to respond to that wave, that I am going to need to be vigilant with replacing the urge to answer the call of that wave with other responses. If I had to choose the theme of my hero’s journey right now, I would say that it is about being true to my heart and not to my sense of duty and burdens of responsibility. The substitution?  1- forgive the past. It was a dream. 2- Be right here, right now 3- Have future planning meetings with Universal Source when intended, otherwise stay in the present.
  • Plant my seeds in my soil, but only the ones that come from those planning meetings.
  • Set conditions every single day to be so open to guidance that the duties mindset cannot take over. If I give no attention to the tsunami of duties? They will wither and die. Let my heart tell me what I require. That is all I need to know.

Week Fifteen: Looking Back, From the Future

Happy New Year!

Short and sweet this week. I am taking a look back from 3 months from now. This view makes me so happy!!

It is April 1st 2017, and exactly what I had hoped to happen since the beginning of the new year has happened, plus more. Over the last 3 months I strengthened my discernment. I created potent space many times each and every day, where I listened to my guidance. Each and every day I took something that I heard/felt from my guidance and “planted it as a seed in fertile soil.” From this simple practice I noticed dramatic improvements in all aspects of my life from my health (eating habits tailored to me, shedding weight, daily exercise), to the music school- where I am director- launching amazing ideas into the future, to my NWM business flourishing, to my home and all my relationships. I am so grateful that I am no longer bound to a sense of duty; taking on things that are not mine to take on and pushing them through. To this end I finished my long-term project of A Course in Miracles Workbook as well as the 6 month MKMMA course.By Grace, I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and loving!! Joy permeates every single moment of my life.