I woke up yesterday morning thinking about the word commitment. I am not sure quite why the word was floating in the air, but I suspect it was from Haanel’s Master Key readings. I have loved starting to be aware of how the power of my thinking creates. As my attention and focus become sharper (I can feel it happening) my imagination becomes clearer, and miracles abound.
I asked myself what I have actually committed to in my life. I came up with obvious answers. I have a marriage of 31 years that I am committed to, a career of over forty years that I am committed to, two grown children that I was committed to raising…. But in a way, I see that I kind of fell into each of those areas. I am certainly committed to each, but I feel like there was not a clear picture of my commitment at the start of any of those endeavors. I said yes to each of them, but in kind of a cloudy, muddy way. I certainly did my best in each area, but not with a clear philosophy or DMP from the start.
I tried harder to think of a clearer commitment. How about accomplishments that I started more recently? I went back to school eight years ago in a field I had no experience in. I am proud of the accomplishment, yes. I won the faculty award. I stayed up long hours to meet the goals of the degree. I went an extra mile (many miles) to do research- getting published in a journal and writing a thesis. I am not trying to diminish those accomplishments, but looking back, the professor I was assisting- the one who oversaw my thesis- was holding more of the commitment. Why so? He had the ability to see where I was going more clearly. He pushed me to go much further than I knew how to go when I started. I did not see where I was going at all when I began. I trusted him to hold strongly to the commitment and to the vision of where I was going. Upon writing this blog I see that I have been that person for many people: the one who holds strongly to the commitment and vision of where they are going.
There is nothing wrong with any of these above accomplishments or any of the many that I did not add here. But the fact is, I am interested in something more now. I want to spend my time remaining making commitments to myself that hold the highest and clearest vision. I want to see where I am going so that I can determine where I am going. That does not mean that the vision cannot change as I go, but I want to own what is next, not tumble in, walking in the dark to see what happens if I work hard towards some vague… something…. I want to hold strongly to the commitment and vision of where I am going, just as my professor did for me. Time to do it for myself!!
My husband Eric and I are talking about tearing off the old addition to our 1870s farmhouse that we live in, and thus transforming the whole place. I can see the light pouring in, feel the fire in the fireplace, see the sunsets as I sip my red wine with Eric, imagine a loft and secret closet for grandchildren we don’t yet have. To pull this off would take so much time, thousands of choices, money earning and planning, and partnership with Eric. I see it as a chance to make a true commitment to something from beginning to end. This is a new feeling for me and I am excited to move forward in clarity.