This was quite the interesting week and a half since I last wrote. On Monday of week 12 I wrote my blog in the morning and proceeded on with my day. I had an underlying sense of dread, though, because I had taken on something that wasn’t feeling quite right. A close friend of mine was ill and in the hospital, and I offered- as a good friend does- to go and teach her students for her. It was the one thing I knew I could do to to help, but it was coming at a difficult time of the year, it was a five hour drive, and snow was predicted. But I was going! That is what friends do!
That evening on my way home from work- two minutes from my house- I hit a deer. My battered body and car caused me to cancel the trip. I am fine, thanks to a miracle cancellation appointment with my amazing osteopath, but I knew that this incident was no accident; instead, an event that I needed to take a deep look at.
I am sure I don’t understand everything about it yet, but I do have a few things figured out.
- My sacrifice on my DMP was to stop traveling for teaching. I wasn’t keeping my promise.
- My PPN is NOT “Helping Others.” I can see an ongoing pattern that my eagerness to help others causes me to drop everything and derail my true PPNs.
- I took no time to listen to guidance- in a sit or otherwise. It was a knee-jerk reaction and I think even an addiction. An addiction to helping. Not what most would think of as wrong, but it was not right in this case.
A few mornings later as I woke up , I saw two blueprints- both mine. They actually did not look hugely different from one another, but here was the big thing: the old one said DUTY on it and the new one said JOY.
A number of years ago I realized that much of my motivation in life was based on guilt. At that time I decided to try an experiment and totally drop guilt from my daily operations. Cold turkey. The experiment largely worked, allowing me to feel lighter and freer. So, this week it was not so new to decide to try dropping the sense of duty. As I worked with this idea I kept feeling that I was “duty-bound.” I kept hearing, “Set aside the mantle of duty.” I came up with a substitution sentence, “Joy permeates every single moment of my life!” Now any time I feel the duty “detector” go off, I say this sentence. This clears the way for my light to shine. Duty dims it.
And from there, the universe has been stepping forward to teach me about this in every way. I was guided to change my DMP a bit (eliminating anything that felt like duties), A Course in Miracles gave me the perfect lessons, my masterminding was right on, the blogs I read (edinamasterkey.wordpress.com; week 13) were just what I needed as well.
Here’s probably the biggest thing that I realize. I only have one job. Yes, only one job! And that is to create the conditions so that I can listen to the One Voice of the Universe, not the din of so many voices of duty. That one job, done successfully, makes everything clear. And joyful. Just one step at a time, as Og tells us.
Thank you, sweet deer, for your amazing service. I won’t let your sacrifice go to waste!